July’s thoughts and moments

It’s sunny on this beautiful not-too-hot Sunday, and I’m enjoying a quiet day before the routine of work starts again. Here’s some random thoughts and moments of my last few days/weeks:

• Just listened to the new album of Madonna, Confessions II, and I really like it. A nice dancing soundtrack, perfect on this sunny summer day! I understand the popularity behind this new release, it is THAT good. Well mixed, lots of dancing beats that kinda reminds me a lot about Confessions I, and Madonna is pushing the boundaries of senior age. I’m loving this a lot 🙂 My favorite songs, so far, are Fragile, My sins are my savior, and Betrayal.
• subscribed to the Mubi streaming service this morning, and was able to watch the 2006 movie The Fall. It was an interesting story about heartbreak, betrayal, heroes and imagination, and I really liked it. The young girl was really playing amazingly for her young age, and Lee Pace was just excellent in his role.
  
• been having lots of thoughts on friendship in the last few weeks, as I came to realize that at 45, most of my friends have…kinda disappeared from my life these days. Every body is busy with life, work, family, etc. I get it. But still, if I ain’t the one poking around to get some news, or plan moments to spend with friends, I barely get any news from folks. It’s…depressing, to be honest. I’m trying to see if there are events or activities I can join so I can start making new friends again. We’ll see how it goes. At least I have a small core (5-6) that I manage to see from time to time, but it can get lonely and frustrating, the disappearance of most of my old friend group. Adulthood sucks.
• Had my biannual medical exam last week, and had to do some blood tests for possible (pre-)diabetes. I’m…not happy about this possible outcome, as it means I’ll probably be put on some GLP-1 medication. I’m just exhausted, as I already take a lot of medication for my mental health: I don’t wanna add more to the daily load 🙁 But if I have no choice…guess I’ll have to budget it in. Urgh! I’ll know in two weeks the results of my blood tests.
• Been debating if I am continuing my bachelor degree in Communication studies. I’ve been craving going back in History classes plus adding a sociology major in it, but…having to spend more money on degrees that won’t really give me any benefits on the workplace is a big stopper for me. It would purely be for fun, continuing my study, and I do like being at school, but…argh. Dilemma! But I know if I stop now, in 6 months, I’ll be craving school again, so…what should I do?
• this week, the 40th edition of Festival Nuits d’Afrique is starting in Montreal, and I plan to go see lots of shows. Next Wedneday, on the 8th, there is Afirka band playing at the Club Balattou. I’ve discovered their music while visiting the website of the festival, and I really felt in love with the music. Should be a good show!
• I hate my hormones and my cycle. When I start or finish my period, as well as during my ovulation period, my anxiety is through the roof, and all my techniques and tactics to fight anxiety are for nothing. It’s just…fucking hard, dealing with the pain in my belly, the rising pressure around my chest, the tears trying to be released, the mind going nuts over the feeling of not doing enough, not having enough time to do ALL the things I wanna do, having to spend a lot of time around work, the rising panic attack…it’s fucking painful. I am so tired of living with anxiety, I’m a fucking mess for a couple days per cycle. And since my cycle is shorter than the usual time, I can have a third of each month where I feel like a mess in my body. I hate this.
• The soccer match between Brazil and Norway is starting (as i’m writing this) for the World Cup, and on this match, I am taking for Norway! Goooooooooo Norway 🙂

That’s it for now. Will try to kick my ass to write more here, as it makes me feel good and happy to write, even if no one is reading it.