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From my Feedly: Why Love Hurts: The Sociology of How Our Institutions Rather Than Our Personal Psychological Failings Shape the Romantic Agony of Modern Life

  

For the last couple of years (and probably because it’s part of what most of the mid-thirties people surrounding me are going through crisis), I had a lot of time – and occasions! – to reflect upon Love and relationships in our modern time. Mostly around the questions of why is it a sin to admit to our failures in our relations, why people shun us when we separate (or have a rough period), and why we should automatically hurt and become tragicomic drama queens ( to our friends and entourage) when we go through a separation or divorce (and for once, I prefer the Gwyneth Paltrow’s way, conscious uncoupling :P ).

Anyway, thought I could share with you one of the articles that generated tons of introspection, personal writing and discussions.

“To perform gender identity and gender struggles is to perform the institutional and cultural core dilemmas and ambivalence of modernity.”
from Brain Pickings: http://bit.ly/1Pq75Qp

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On how I see love ones…

  

how perfectionism kills love

An interesting concept, which I kinda find to be true. So many around me search for love, the Perfect One that will make them forever happy. Yet, I only see them hit a wall in their unattainable love and constantly in a state of sadness…

It’s the good AND bad qualities that makes a person loveable to my eyes.

Two people meet and fall in love. Then they marry, and the real Sam or Suzy begins to show through the fantasy, and, boy, is it a shock. So a lot of little boys and girls just withdraw their anima or animus. They get a divorce and wait for another receptive person, pitch the woo again, and, uh-oh, another shock. And so on and so forth.

Now the one undeniable fact: this disillusion is inevitable. You had an ideal. You married that ideal, then along comes a fact that does not correspond to that ideal. You suddenly notice things that do not quite fit with your projection. So what are you going to do when that happens? There’s only one attitude that will solve the situation: compassion. This poor, poor fact that I married does not correspond to my ideal; it’s only a human being. Well, I’m a human being, too. So I’ll meet a human being for a change; I’ll live with it and be nice to it, showing compassion for the fallibilities that I myself have certainly brought to life as a human being.