Finally, the end of november is slowly coming, and december is pointing its nose ahead.
It’s been a long, dark and depressing month. Everybody was tired, depressed, unmotivated… It’s the end of a semester for some of us, the end of the year for others. It’s a hard time where the sun is less apparent in the sky (did we have a nice blue sky day this month??? I just can’t remember…), it’s always cold or rainy. Of course, december is no better, but the proximity of Christmas vacations and festivities just make it more tolerable. Even if I hate Christmas.
Yeah, I really do hate Christmas. It’s just not the same as when I was a kid. The commercials, the money-spending folie for the holidays and the party, Santas (I hate Santas! I just want to punch them), those damn little fruit cakes that taste like shit…The only thing that makes it less unbearable is the Christmas decorations in the streets and commerces of Montreal. Yeah, those. All the bright lights, the animation, the decorations surrounding a building or a house. I feel like a child again. It’s the only thing that makes Christmas ok for me. I hope there will be some snowfall before Christmas, because I want to take a night off and just go walk in the streets of Montreal and look around, take some pictures.
Yeah, Christmas is coming. This also means party, and family reunions. It will be my first family reunion in 5 years. Will I survive? I hope so. But I’m happy, I never thought that it would be again possible for me, after all these years away from my family and enraged against them, that I would be so happy to go back and just be there. With them. Even after all the shit I lived and endured. Another sign that I am growing older and wiser. And my family too. I finally was able to just pass over all my traumas as a child, and all my shits with my mother, to just restart anew with her and move on. I’m quite happy about that fact. Of course, I will never forget the times where she wasn’t there for me, never was there to raise me as a kid, her kid, but she really had matured into adulthood (finally!) and she is now a responsible adult that I can turn to and talk to when I need it. I’m happy to have my mother back. I can finally stop being the adult between us two and be the kid.
Ahhh, I should be working right now…can’t wait for the vacations.