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Doing a little better, a day at the time…

  

Talking with Jeremy over a coffee is always soothing for the soul. After reading my last posts, he proposed to meet and go chat with him about all my life these days. It went really well, and he mostly made me realized that I had done the right thing, the right choice for me, and that now, I should just enjoy the present and heal myself.

It is reassuring to know that I have done the right thing. I am passing a hard time, as I had to deal with a lot of big issues this last few months, but right now, I couldn’t be happier of the choices I made. Right now, the trick is to enjoy life at its fullest!

I am full of energy and hungry again…haven’t happened since 2 months! o_O

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Love life = fucked up shit…

  

A lot happened in my life in such a short time. My brain was almost melting down and my heart was so hurted…

I broke up with my boyfriend. I won’t enter into details, but I wasn’t happy with him anymore, and we realized that right now, we were better off alone and each on his/her side, than sticking together and starting to get bitter. We prefer to finish it right now, as we can still be friends, than later, when we’ll be so angry after each other that it wouldn’t be possible to see the other one.

Of course, ending a relationship of 8 1/2 years is very fucking hard. Note to you people: it’s fucking hard! It’s not an easy decision, not an easy choice to do. It takes time to think, heal, and restart anew. But I’ve been dumped before (by the same man!) and I survived and even went back with him a year later…Of course, now, I dumped him, so I now know how he felt when he took the decision 5 years ago to break it up. And he now knows how I felt when he broke up…And I don’t think that we will be back together neither (yeah, I know, I’ve said that before, but it’s real this time. But some friends of ours are taking bets right now as to how long it will stand…bitches!)

I’m ok right now, but last week was like the worst of my life. Been sick as hell, cried a lot, been anxious about his reactions, missed two exams and didn’t study and do my assignments. We talked tonight, one week after my decision. It was really relaxed and cool, I think we will survive all this shit and manage to live on and relearn to appreciate each other as good friends. Of course, we will take a bit of time right now, not spending time together (which is hard because I really do love to talk with him, when he’s not an obnoxious little boy :P ).? I feel like I may have lost? a boyfriend, but I may have gain a brother or a good friend in the process. Time will tell.

I’m really lucky to have suck close friends that were there for me this week and the weeks before. If it weren’t from you guys, I think I wouldn’t have make it. Seriously. To you Daniel, Babou and Alex, a really big thank you. Love you guys.

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A decision is made for school…

  

After a couple of days of thinking and musing, I have finally decided that I will drop my major in urban studies and concentrate on my history specialization only. I’ve looked at the courses syllabus, looked at the books they proposed for the classes last year, talked with some people around me, and I am less interested in the major.

I’m a little bit disappointed of my university student life. I hate the fact that some of my classes take the attendances; I always thought that it would have been an intellectual challenge for me. Actually,my classes are easy, if I just find the time and motivation to do my homeworks. The fact that I can also read on the subject we talked in the classroom all by myself and am also capable of critical thinking makes it less interesting. Also, if I continue with my urban studies mixed with history, I’ll have one more year of schooling, making it 2 years and a half left instead of only a year and a half. Also, my loans and bursaries wouldn’t cover for my last year if I stick with urban studies, as I would have obtain the maximum loans possible at the undergraduate level.

Anyway, I will have to study hard and try to obtain a nice GPA, as I need to enter in a master after my degree if I want a potentially interesting job after school.

The other fact that helped me decided in abandoning urban studies was that right now, my business with my other associate is running really well, and it has a nice potential of growing bigger in the next years if only I give more time and effort on it. Maybe I should just concentrate on the web and multimedia aspect of my life as a job, and history as a passion. Anyway, I can always read on urban studies, urbanism and architecture on my free time.

So, VOILA, here is my update on my indecisions of the last days. I am still believing that I may do a big error, but I’ll assume it. I think…

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I’m really, really sorry I haven’t updated in a while. I’m really busy. So many things since I’m back to school…Running a business on top of classes is really demanding and challenging! I have a busy schedule, and I have to note everything in my agenda, lets I’ll forget I had something to do or someone to see. It’s maddening.

Anyway, up on my life right now. I don’t have a lot of time to spend with my friends. My schedule is such a chaotic thing, and I have to jungle with meetings with clients, coding session, webdesign session, classes and study time. I really hate the fact that I have to sleep, too. I feel like the days are passing too fast…

I have to learn to manage my time reasonably, but I hate this. I like having a bit of random time here and there, and to spend it with my friends. I miss my time in multimedia, at least I was always with them and I could talk with them constantly. Now,? I can’t even spare an hour or two to chat with them…

I have some major decisions to take this week concerning my life. I have already decided that I will stick with my company, because I really do enjoy it and it’s exactly what I have learned in cegep. It’s the university that I have no clue what I’ll be doing.? Like I wrote in the post just before, I’ll have to decide if I stick with urban studies or just drop it and concentrate on history. I really do love both programs, and it would break my heart, in a way, to just drop the major. I really don’t have a clue what to do. But the fact that I am also getting bored in the urban studies classes, as I don,t find them challenging right now, is killing me slowly.

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Mid-term stress

  

I feel dead on my feet. I’m tired. I feel down.

I hate mid-terms. Even if this semester, my classes are easy and I already know much of the stuffs we are “learning”, it’s still killing me slowly. I hate being force to go to class because of the attendances. I would skip much of my classes to have more time for me, to advance on my projects and work. I really hate school right now.

I am questioning myself about school. Do I continue my degree? Do I take a break? I know if I take a break, I won’t come back to school…

Do I stick to my specialization in history and major in urban studies? Do I just concentrate on my history classes or do I stick with urban studies? Do I finish next year with my history degree only, or do I still have 2 years left to finish school? If I stick with urban studies, I’ll have to pay my last year of school, as I will have obtain the maximum from the loans and bursaries during a undergraduate degree. Whatever I choose, I’ll have to do a master anyway, because if I want to find a “job” or something, I need a master…

Do I concentrate on history and my company? It’s going pretty well right now, we are having a lot of contracts and work to do, so I am wondering if I should just concentrate on this. But like one of my associate told me, why should I drop urban studies when I might feel guilty later for abandoning?

I am really lost right now on my futur as a student…maybe it’s just the stress of mid-term…

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I’m at the Webster library computer right now, and the computer sucks, major times!!! My blog seems to have weird colors…

Anyway, I’m dead tired too. Work, school, running around to see my boyfriend and all of my friends…I am gladly accepting? those fews days off coming ahead. 1 week of freedom. No school. So cool. I’ll sleep my first day off! Then, I’ll take some majors advances for work, and I’ll try to have finish all my research of articles and books for all my research this semester (which could be possible, as I don’t really have a lot of homeworks and research to do this semester. Only exams, which I don’t really mind.

So, now I’ll go eat something, or else I will fall down. I have loss 10 pounds since I have my company with my associates, which must be the stress ( a little bit ) and all this new exercicing thing that I do daily (mostly walking, but a damn lot!!!).